


Old Habits Die Hard

by 5SecsOfLARRYcat



Category: Glee, One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, BROMANCE ONLY THOUGH sorry, Brother/Sister bond, Drama, Drug Use, Eating Disorder, F/M, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, Insecurity, Jesse is a jerk, Love, One Direction help Rachel, Self-Harm, Starvation, Traveling, glee club turns their back on Rachel, larry stylinson - Freeform, midnight memories, self hatred
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-12-31
Updated: 2014-07-21
Packaged: 2018-01-06 19:51:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,522
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1110855
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/5SecsOfLARRYcat/pseuds/5SecsOfLARRYcat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rachel’s had a hard life and a very difficult past. Everyone had thought that her old habits had stopped completely after her older brother had helped her through her latest episode but as the saying goes ‘Old Habits Die Hard’ and no one knows this more than Rachel as she’s shipped off to live and travel with her older brother and his 4 best friends as they travel the world.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1: Realisations

**Author's Note:**

> Rachel doesn’t have 2 gay dads and her older brother is a One Direction member. Also Santana and Puck are not at McKinley, so they are not in glee club.
> 
> BTW THIS IS MY SISTER'S FIC THAT I'M HELPING HER TO CO-WRITE! She can't remember her name and password and she didn't know how to use the site so I offered to put it on here for her on my account.
> 
> ENJOY!!!! :D

**_3 months ago…._ **

**Rachel’s POV**

I couldn’t stop crying. I didn’t know what to do now that I didn’t have Jesse. I couldn’t believe what he had done. I didn’t want to go back to that school ever again; I didn’t want to face them. I know for a fact that every single one of them will hate me.

“Rachel?” My Mother asked from the other side of the door, “Sweetie, are you okay?”

I couldn’t tell her the truth, could I? She’d probably just think I’m going to do something that I really shouldn’t. Mom worries about me a lot. She shouldn’t worry about me so much though.

“I’m fine Mom. Can I just be left alone for a few minutes?”

There was silence at the other side of the door before Mom sighed and replied, “Fine, but I want you down in ten minutes please. Your father has made you pasta, your favourite.”

“I’ll make sure I’m down,” I stated.

I waited until I heard her walking down the staircase until I went on my laptop; I had to speak to Kurt and tell him what actually happened between me and Jesse. He had to believe me. He just had to.

I logged onto my Facebook only to realise I had five new messages, and three notifications. I could feel my stomach churn, my breath getting caught in throat. I couldn’t, no I couldn’t be getting a panic attack over this. I quickly, before I began to regret it, read the messages and I was just too late. They believed Jesse, they hate me….they really hate me….

 **Kurt Hummel:** I told you from the beginning that he wasn’t who YOU thought he was. We are no longer friends Berry; I cannot under any circumstances be friends with someone I absolutely hate with every fibre of my being.

 **Mercedes Jones:** I don’t think you should be in glee club anymore after what you’ve done. How could we ever trust you again?

 **Quinn Fabray:** Now that you and Jesse have broken up **_DO NOT _** go to Finn. He loves me now. He wouldn’t be able to trust you anyway. Looks like I win once again Rupaul….Check mate.

 **Artie Abrams:** You disappoint me so much. I should have known from the very start.

 **Tina Cohen-Chang:** We’ve all agreed that you shouldn’t be in the Glee club anymore. You’re not a team player and we really don’t need you. Plus you don’t belong here anyway. To be honest with you I don’t think you belong anywhere, you’re just too much of a selfish diva to belong anywhere Rachel.

I couldn’t help but cry and I didn’t even notice that I was screaming as I cried. I felt like I couldn’t cope with this, they actually **_hated_** me and it took a damn while for them to even be nice to me, let alone for us to become friends.

I could feel another panic attack coming on. I haven’t had one in so long and I didn’t really know what to do which just made the panic worse but then I thought about my brother. The brother that I love with my whole soul and who I adore and who’s my idol because he’s making the dream he’s had since he was young happen. I remembered what my brother would always tell me to do, _“Take deep breaths my little Ray of Sunshine. You can get through this, I know you can and I believe in you. You’re so strong, strong enough to do this, strong enough to get through this and come back to us.”_ Oh, I did miss him. I missed him so much. He’s my everything and it’s been that way since I was a baby (or that’s what I’m told by my parents). I calmed down a little after thinking about my brother so much. But then all my thoughts drifted back to how the glee club, my supposed friends, felt towards me and the feeling were back. What could I do? I didn’t know what to do.

I had nothing left. My brother isn’t here to help me; my sister didn’t really like to see me in this way: she never really knows what to do. My Mom would just consider counselling and my Dad just wants me to be happy, he really does try to be there for me but he’s just scared. Yeah they all thought I didn’t know that, but I do.

My brother isn’t here and I can’t call him because 1. I’m a mess and 2. He was probably busy. He's always busy. So I had no one. And I just couldn’t cope with that at all.

I walked into my ensuite bathroom and looked in the mirror.

Why did Jesse do that to me? Why did he hurt me like that? Was I not good enough for him? Why did he have to use me? Why’d I have to fall for him? Why doesn’t he love me? Am I really that unlovable?

_Yeah, you really are that unlovable. I mean look at your family. A mother who just throws counselling at you for your problems, a father who’s scared of his own little girl, a sister that just doesn’t know what to do so she stays as far away from you as possible and a brother who’s flying from country to country just to get away from you. Who can blame them though? You’re nothing special. You’re not talented like your brother or smart like your sister. Hell it even seems like they got the good looking genes and you were left with the ugly genes._

I was too ugly that was it. My inner voice is right. It always is. I’m not good enough. I’m a disappointment to everyone around me and even to everyone not around me. I’m even a constant disappointment to my family. I kept replaying these thoughts in my head. I shouldn’t even be here. Well….enough was enough. It’s time for me to go. For good this time to a place that no one will be able to find me until it’s their time because I know without a shadow of a doubt that **_this_** is my time. Here and now.

I punched the mirror, I’m so sick of seeing my ugly self in there. I looked at my fist; there was blood pouring from different directions but I couldn’t help the feeling that overwhelmed me. I felt pleasure from it.

Something that would have been kept in the past in any other situation has now changed.

I suddenly remembered about the bottle of painkillers I kept. I opened my cabinet as quickly as I could and found my secret stash of painkillers.

I opened them and swallowed the rest of them one by one and by the time I got to the bottom of the bottle I was feeling hazy.

 _I’m not good enough and I will never be good enough for anyone, so what’s the point?_ Was my last thought.

And then everything went black.

**_PRESENT…._ **

**Still Rachel’s POV**

I woke up and sighed. Today is a school day and I really can’t be bothered today. I could pretend that I was ill but that meant my Mother would be suspicious.

I walked over to my wardrobe and picked out jeans and a jumper to wear. I put my hair up in a bun before looking in the mirror, _‘You’re so ugly Rachel’ ‘You’re not worth it so why bother?’ ‘Ugly’ ‘Disgusting’_ were all written around my mirror. I opened my cabinet and grabbed a tablet from my secret stash and swallowed it dry; it should keep me going for the day.

I walked downstairs after brushing my teeth. Seeing the pancakes on the table I felt sick. I really don’t feel like eating, I’m really not hungry. I sat at the table with a napkin in my lap as I pretended to eat when I was actually placing the food into the napkin when no one was paying any attention to me.

“Right Mom, I’m going to go to school now!” I shouted from the kitchen table.

“Alright sweetie, have a good day at school. I love you.”

I nodded before leaving out of the front door. I hate school but I have no other choice but to go there so I had to put up with it.

# **ONEDIRECTION** # _GLEE_ # **ONEDIRECTION** # _GLEE_ #

**_A few hours later…._ **

**No one’s POV**

It was later in the day when Anne Cox had just finished talking to her son, Harry. She really did miss him.

She sighed as she walked outside the bedroom’s and picking up clothes that needed to be washed, Anne sighed as she realised that Rachel had forgotten to put out her clothes that needed to be washed. She opened her door looking around for washing. Not finding anything Anne opened Rachel’s bathroom door only to find something she hadn’t expected.

Rachel’s mirror was surrounded by words that Anne knew only brought Rachel down. Anne couldn’t believe it, she honestly felt like Rachel was better. She thought three months ago was just a onetime thing like Rachel had assured them, but clearly this showed differently. She thought they had helped her but she should have known better. Anne quickly ran downstairs, grabbed her phone and called her husband **(Rachel’s Dad, not Harry’s Dad)** “Our little girls not well….”

 **#onedirection#** _glee_ **#onedirection#** _glee_ **#onedirection#** _glee_

**_Sometime later…._ **

**Rachel’s POV**

As soon as I got home from school I felt relieved. Going to school every day to a place where everybody hates me is just a constant reminder of how wrong my life is.

I walked down the stairs after getting changed for a drink of water only to find that my Mother and Father were sat waiting for me (what it looked like). I carried on heading to the kitchen pretending I hadn’t noticed anything out of the ordinary.

“Rachel, your Dad and I would like to speak with you for a minute,” Mom called to me from the other room.

I sighed before walking back into the room with a glass of water in hand. I sat down on the chair as I faced them waiting for them to speak first.

“Rachel, we’re aware of what you’re going through,” My Mom started.

I looked at them confused, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Rach, princess, we’ve seen your mirror; we know you’re not well. We know that you clearly need some help,” Dad stated looking at me; I could see that he was disappointed in me, like he had expected so much more from me.

I don’t know what to say, I’m scared that if even open my mouth I’ll start crying.

“We’ve been doing some thinking and from past events, we’ve decided that it would be best if you travelled with your brother for a while. We know he can help you like he did last time,” Mom said reaching out for my hand.

“D-don’t t-t-touch m-me….jus-just do-don’t,” I stammered standing up, suddenly not feeling very thirsty.

I rushed upstairs to my room and slammed my door shut.

I can’t see my brother. I can’t show him how much I’ve let him down again. I’ve failed him once again. I’ve broken the promise I made to him.

I also can’t disrupt his dreams, it would be wrong of me. It would be my fault again. I’m doing fine, I know I am. Why did Mom even come into my room anyway? She knows not to. Why do I never get anything right? Why could I do nothing right but do everything wrong?

It’s just not fair.

 _Newsflash life isn’t fair Princess_. My inner voice mocked.

I walked into the bathroom and made sure to lock the door before I grabbed my blade from its hiding spot; Thank g*d she didn’t look any further and find this because at this moment I need it. I need it to control my anxiety. I need it to control my thoughts. I just need it to control everything.

I don’t care anymore. I don’t care where my life goes from here because I know that all I ever do is disappoint everyone. I wonder if there’s a professional job for that sort of thing. Then again, me being me I probably wouldn’t be able to get a job.

“Rachel! I know you’re in there! Please, please open up we can try to help you,” Mom said knocking on the bathroom door.

“I….I can’t. I’m sorry Mom,” I replied letting the blade cut deeper and deeper and feeling faint from the blood loss, “I’m so sorry Mom.”

“Robin! Call an ambulance now!” Mom shouted as she counted to three until she pushed the door open but it was too late.

I fell to the floor, my head hitting the floor hard as I did.

I don’t want to survive. Leave me, Mom. I tried to say these words but I couldn’t speak. I could only hear my Mom crying as she held me, “My baby girl….My poor baby girl….”


	2. I'm here little sister....

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rachel’s had a hard life and a very difficult past. Everyone had thought that her old habits had stopped completely after her older brother had helped her through her latest episode but as the saying goes ‘Old Habits Die Hard’ and no one knows this more than Rachel as she’s shipped off to live and travel with her older brother and his 4 best friends as they travel the world.
> 
> Rachel's big brother shows up in this chapter!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rachel doesn't have 2 gay dads and her older brother is a One Direction member. Also Santana and Puck are not at McKinley, so they are not in the glee club.
> 
> Also I hope you like this, make sure you review so I know if you are enjoying this story!
> 
> The song is originally by The Beatles – Here Comes The Sun.

_**A couple of days later** _

**Rachel’s POV**

I woke up that morning; I wasn't in that horrible hospital anymore. They made me eat and drink so much because I was ‘drained’; now I just felt fat. No one understood. Everyone keeps saying that I’m going to get better, but I just don’t see it. I could when Harry was here, and I did get better, but I’m not that girl anymore. I have to do it myself, I have to learn to control myself but I knew I couldn’t, I wouldn't because I'm not strong enough on my own. I turned to the other side of the bed not noticing someone as sat there watching me. I jumped sitting up and rubbing my eyes.

“Hey, hey, calm down it’s only me,” I turned my head to check that I wasn't dreaming and it was actually him, it was Harry, my big brother, my protector, and he was really here.

“Harry? W-what are you doing here? You…you need to leave now,” I panicked.

I couldn’t let him be here. It was wrong of me; it’s my fault he’s here. I’m such a disappointment, Harry probably hates me.

“I’m here for you Ray. I want to help you. When I heard….” Harry stopped himself; it was like if he said it, he would choke. I knew I was a disappointment, I knew it.

“You….you can’t. Stop it! Leave me alone! I can do it on my own Harry,” I replied.

“Ray.…”

“No. Don’t call me that. I’m not Ray, not anymore,” I snapped.

 I regretted snapping at him as soon as the words came out of my mouth but I couldn’t let him help me. I’d already caused enough trouble with everyone.

“Well, what do you want me to call you then?” Harry asked putting his hand in mine.

“J….just call me Rach,” I replied remembering that Jesse used to call me that and I hated it but it would serve as a reminder.

“Alright _Rach,_ Mum is planning….”

Before Harry could finish what he was saying I felt vomit come crawling up the back of my throat so I jumped out of my bed and ran to my bathroom and made it to the toilet just in time as all the vomit came pouring out. Harry was right beside me holding my hair back as I was vomiting.

He kept mumbling, “Ray everything is going to be alright. Just you watch, one day you’re going to look back and think ‘I made it, I’m Rachel Berry. I’m a star’ and you’ll always be my little Ray of Sunshine no matter what.”

I could feel tears come down my face as I finished vomiting. I so badly wanted to be that girl again but I just couldn’t see it happening.

“Hey, hey Ray, don’t cry. Come here,” Harry cooed before cuddling me.

Being in my big brother’s arms made me feel safe and truth be told I haven’t felt safe for a while. I couldn’t even remember the last time I did feel safe.

He picked me up and walked me to my bed; my eyes were closing without my permission. I was tired. He sat down on the chair next to my bed as he started to play with my hair just like he used to so I would fall asleep while he sang to me.

I knew deep down that I had no choice whatsoever but to go touring with Harry. Mum and Dad wouldn’t allow me to stay here when they knew that Harry could help me once again and Harry would not take no for an answer.

I just wanted to know when I was going before I fell asleep, “Harry?”

“Yes little sister?” He replied.

“When am I leaving with you?”

He didn’t say anything for a moment and at first I thought he wasn’t going to answer but at the last minute he said, “As soon as possible. Probably tomorrow,” He paused again before admitting, “Mum’s already packed your bags.”

“You’ll look after me won’t you?” I asked feeling uncertain and worried.

“Of course I will. Now sleep Ray,” Harry soothed, “I’ll be here when you wake up.”

“Can I ask a favour first?” I asked

“Sure…”

“Will you sing to me like you used to? I don’t want to….”

“Of course I will,” Harry said before he carried on playing with my hair and singing one of the songs I grew up with.

_Here comes the sun (doo doo doo doo)_

_Here comes the sun, and I say_

_It's all right_

_Little darling, it's been a long cold lonely winter_

_Little darling, it feels like years since it's been here_

_Here comes the sun_

_Here comes the sun, and I say_

_It's all right_

_Little darling, the smiles returning to the faces_

_Little darling, it seems like years since it's been here_

_Here comes the sun_

_Here comes the sun, and I say_

_It's all right_

_Sun, sun, sun, here it comes_

_Sun, sun, sun, here it comes_

_Sun, sun, sun, here it comes_

_Sun, sun, sun, here it comes_

_Sun, sun, sun, here it comes_

_Little darling, I feel that ice is slowly melting_

_Little darling, it seems like years since it's been clear_

_Here comes the sun_

_Here comes the sun, and I say_

_It's all right_

_Here comes the sun_

_Here comes the sun, and I say_

_It's all right_

_It's all right_

_**GLEE#ONEDIRECTION#GLEE#ONEDIRECTION#GLEE** _

**Harry’s POV**

It hurts me knowing that my little sister is unwell again. It hurts me that she’s hurting and in pain. It hurt me to watch her like that, so broken. It hurts me to know that I didn’t even see it whenever I talked to her, she’s my little sister and I feel like I’ve failed her. I know she feels like she had to do this on her own but I can’t let her do that. You’re supposed to surround yourself with people who love you. Rachel can’t see that though, she’s too broken. I have to help her; I have to bring the carefree, happy girl I know back.

When Rachel finally fell into a deep sleep I stood up and walked downstairs.

Mum and my stepdad were sat talking to each other. I wondered if they were talking about Rachel.

“She’s asleep again. She was really sick before though, probably because of the amount of food the hospital forced down her throat,” I sighed sitting down and putting my head in my hands, “Why didn’t you tell me about this when it all started?”

“We….we thought that she was better. She looked like she was doing better,” Mum said looking so close to tears.

“Does she look better? She looks ill Mum. Like she hasn’t eaten in months! Her arms are covered in cuts! Her room, her goddamn bathroom Mum! How could you NOT have noticed anything?” I snapped.

Mum was now crying and I felt guilty, I shouldn’t have snapped at her.

“Don’t talk to your Mother like that! We all wish we had known before,” Robin replied comforting Mum as he did so.

“Shit I’m so sorry Mum. I just….I just keep thinking that maybe If I had known a few months ago I could have helped her sooner and she wouldn’t be like this,” I explained how I was feeling.

“Oh sweetie,” Mum cooed as she put her arms around me.

“I just want her to get better. I want my little sister back.”

“I want her to be home-schooled from now on. I know we all said it would be temporary but I think it should be permanent. School doesn’t make her happy; it’s not the best place for her.” My stepdad, Robin (Rachel’s real father) said.

I grinned, “I think that’s a great idea. We’re going to get our girl back, I promise.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter involves all the boys, Rachel meets them. Review review! Hope you liked it! :P

**Author's Note:**

> Harry will be in next chapter. I promise you.
> 
> Please comment what you think of this story so my Sister can see that all her hard work on this story isn't for nothing.


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